I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
