Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
