Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
