i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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