i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
