Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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