Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
