He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
