Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
