I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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