Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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