My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
