i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
