So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
