i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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