I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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