u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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