so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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