Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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