i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
