i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
