I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize