you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
