what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
