So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
