Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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