Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
