i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
