So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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