Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize