is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
