You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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