I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize