my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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