God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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