last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
