Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
