I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She bit a glass in half.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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