you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
