I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
