all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
