i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize