I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
