he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
