I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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