RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
