I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
