Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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