i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
