I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
