You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
