you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
