She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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