yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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