im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Every concussion has its silver lining
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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