did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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