yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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