she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
