I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
