pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
