I faked an abortion last night.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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