Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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