Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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