It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
