everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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