party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
