i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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