Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
