He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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