Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
