M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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