His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize