I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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