I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
