And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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