Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
