My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
