okay pat passed out under dana's car
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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