Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
