how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
