I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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