I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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