is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
