Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
