Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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