i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
