How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Randomize
