I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
