You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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