What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My penis needs a shock collar
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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