Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
