So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize