She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
