Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
