sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
