respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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