So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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