Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
